Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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