I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize