I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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