Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
