This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
