I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
