so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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