I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize