tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
