she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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