he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
