At least make sure they are 18
Why
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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