What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
