Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
