better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
