is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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