if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
