I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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