dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
