All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
