I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
