tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
