You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
