just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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