All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
