I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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