I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
