So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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