So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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