ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
