Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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