Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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