tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
