well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
