does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Two words: blizzard sex
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
