the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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