Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
