i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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