you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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