Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
