last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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