did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
