He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
