The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
