Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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