dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
