Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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