Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
