I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
