Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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