Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
