I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
