Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
