I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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