We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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