Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You've changed since you got that strap on
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
