i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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