I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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