this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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