You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
