It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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