i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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