Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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