dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
