But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
