Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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