She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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