I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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