I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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