just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
