I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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