don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
