I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
