What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
