We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
