You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
