She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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