Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
