So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
