i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
