just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
